I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
