I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize