Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
