i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
