Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I party with great urgency now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
