Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
