she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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