I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
