so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
