Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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