C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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