he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
