He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
