Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

And mexicans. My burrito likes you.

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(209): View more from California

Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

(860): View more from Connecticut

what did you do?

(203): View more from Connecticut

i asked her out. that's so hot.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(905): View more from Ontario

oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes

(778): View more from British Columbia

Thought it was at Brad's?

(250): View more from British Columbia

Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.

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