If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
