Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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