I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
