his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We left an ass print on the piano.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
