woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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