For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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