he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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