Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
