why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
