You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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