That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
