he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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