dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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