i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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