i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
