Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
