you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
not ubering you a puppy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize