no, he came in my armpit
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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