I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
