you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
