how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
