i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
These tits shall not be calmed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
