There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
