Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize