wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
