I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
