Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Text me some of your sweat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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