don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize