My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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