dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
