I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
