That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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