he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
