If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
