There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
