i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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