It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
