my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
