Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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