when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
