you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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