I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize