I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
