I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
