but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
