Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
