i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
