I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
