A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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