O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
