so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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