he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
