My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
