I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
