Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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