Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
