just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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