I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize