whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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