Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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