He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
