Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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