I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
