Soap is not a condiment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My butt remains clenched, sir.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
