my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
