It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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